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5/4/02

STRAPPADO WRACK

Provocative Satire - Intoxicating Creative Wit
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"The President should resign. He has lied to the American people, time and time again, and betrayed their trust..."
-- Bill Clinton, re: Richard M. Nixon in 1974.

Trailer Trash TV

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We all know it - ain't nobody's business, but his own. But media executives are all excited that the public could get a fresh look at the man, who brought us so much memorable entertainment.  Even the thought of a walk on the wild side with Bill, gives a rush to the faithful. Hasn't it been far too long since the hero of the voyeur crowd - had their man back?

O'Reilly has it right! 

"Mr. Clinton could host a reality program called, "Temptation Office."  A mock Oval Office set would be built and various temptations would be put before the star. The audience would vote on how long he would hold out.

A spinoff of The West Wing could be ordered up.  It would be called "Right Wing .. Conspiracy: Victims Unit."  Each week those brought down by various conservative attackers would be featured , in an ensemble drama, featuring James Carville and Socks the Cat."

Even the new king of cable thinks this one is really "Ridiculous" . . .

How could this happen, you say? Well, after the remake of Crossfire - why not let the "First Felon" show Carville and Begala a few tricks of his own! The Cajun even says " . . .  he's a courteous man; he talks to people."

Well that's for sure. Who else talks better than Slick Willie? Just ask that other Willie - Cathleen and Juanita Broderick . . . Now how can Bubba TV miss with content like this! If Harry Thomason brokered a meeting where the ex-President heard an offer from NBC, why should we not think he would be just as successful as he was during that infamous Clinton press conference?  With agents like him, you wouldn't need to hire William Ginsburg to represent you, in contract talks. Ah, those were the good old days . . . 

Peggy Noonan thinks "his entire presidency seemed like daytime TV--a talk show followed by a soap opera followed by a news bulletin followed by another talk show."  So why not go for it Mr President? Maybe Jay Leno has a point - the former president "couldn't do a late-night show because he couldn't do Clinton jokes. You can't do a late-night show without Clinton jokes."

Let's not be discouraged so quickly. Consider the different segment options:

An interview with Jessie Jackson comparing 'black book' numbers.

Explore the uniqueness of 'prodigious nose' features, with Madeleine Albright.

The State of American Justice with Janet Reno.

Tips on booking your next travel reservations, your bosses way with Billy Dale.

Business partnerships with expert advice from Susan McDougal.

Methods in the art of love with Paula Jones.

Case studies in professional investigation - Vince Foster and Ron Brown saga.

How to swallow while holding your breath with Monica Lewinsky.

International commerce with James Riady - how to beat the system.

The importance of following orders, the Linda Tripp story.

What not to do if you want to be a Supreme Court Judge - the life of Ken Starr

Lessons in campaign reform with Johnny Chung.

Advice from Craig Livingstone, on file keeping.

Creative financing techniques with guru Marc Rich.

Confessions of a "Yes Man" - the Al Gore legacy.

The 'witch' herself, Hillary and partner Ally McBeal - what lawyers really love to do.

Advertisement is a cinch to sell out. Cigar Aficionado magazine and Tide detergent are naturals. And Rosie O'Donnell likes you so much that she would do a 'Blue Light' dress special from K-mart . Sweeps week could feature the Life of a 'Crooked Man', both in and out of the chambre coucher . . .

Even President Bush has said when asked "Will you be a guest?" the president smiled back: "I might, I might."  Maybe you could ask W why his Justice Department Fails, Again, To Grant Limited Immunity To Huang For His Full and Complete Testimony. Larry Klayman might like to know!

With all this potential how could you disappoint your public? Surely all those Chinese residuals mean you don’t need the money, but just think about how many new intern babes you will meet . . .

But if that doesn't arouse now, as it once did, you could discuss political integrity with the majority leader: "...[He] took an oath to tell the truth and the whole truth. As a grand jury witness, it was not for him to decide what would be material. That was for the grand jury to decide. Of all people, Federal Judge Walter Nixon certainly knew this.  So I am going to vote 'guilty'... He misled the grand jury. These acts are indisputably criminal and warrant impeachment." -- Senator Tom Daschle on the impeachment of Judge Walter Nixon

You owe it to your fans and the country. Take the offer and go on the air. We still want to know the meaning of  "IS" . . . and you are the only one who can make it sound, so gooood.

SARTRE - May 4, 2002

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Another - Kevin Tuma Cartoon

"No question that an admission of making false statements to government officials... is an impeachable offense." -- Bill Clinton, Arkansas Gazette, August 8, 1974, page 7-A.

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