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Speech Reform Campaign

View from the Mount

Sober Thought Provoking Essays

But men never violate the laws of God without suffering the consequences, sooner or later.
Lydia M. Child

Speech Reform Campaign

Wonder if left hand wipes, right hand for eating?
We know both hands used together for sh#ting on all of us

WOW! It’s like dodging a bullet. Just imagine a political campaign that broadcasts issue ads financed with unregulated donations? Think about it - permitting messages aired 60 days before a general election and 30 days before a primary election if they identify a federal candidate. What’s next - endorsement of specific issues? Aren’t you glad the Supreme Court has seen fit to convene their first special session in 27 years to pronounce from on high the allowable limits of free speech?

We all know you can’t shout fire in a crowded playhouse. So what would lead all those misguided minds to conclude that the script for the theater of the absurd should be rewritten to alter the last act? We all know that reasonable people can make intelligent choices - just look at, who the actual voters are, that turn out for the election! Imagine what would happen if facts, opinions and endorsements were allowed to influence a person’s vote? Some folks might actually cast their ballot for a non approved two party candidate. None of the above would rank high on the list or might win, if put on the ballot. How insane would that be - not electing a Republican or a Democrat is simply un-American - RIGHT?

Don’t you agree that we are all so lucky to have a group of jurists who know what’s best for us and are in place to make the selection options? It could get far too confusing to look at the records of candidates and test them on their programs for our betterment. Thank that non deus, who overseas our secular society, that we don’t have to be burdened with such complications. If you make a mistake with a dangling chad, you can be assured that your second choice will be a satisfactory substitute to your first pick.

Those laws can be tough to grasp. With all the languages in the community, interpreting what legislation means can get sticky. How foolish it would be to think that the average Joe could read and understand what all those briefs say. You know that it’s hard trucking to get the meaning of even that First Bill that amended the ‘big document’ that makes our leaders so great. So glad that my constitution won’t have to be upset with fussing over matters that are better left in chosen hands.

All these campaigns just last way too long. More fitting to keep the TV free of slogans with no interference from our favored programming. We already know that the government will offer to pay our cable bill if we ask nicely and watch the right schedule of leftovers and reruns. Don’t you think all those conventions are just a bad show? Everybody knows that the selections are made months before so that we won’t need to stay up late to watch the drama . . . As for all those debates, who cares - just go on Larry King!

Wasting all that time on the floor of a hall making laws doesn’t make much sense. If the Supremes are willing to interrupt their vacation, just let them grind the sausage. They are the one’s that pack the natural casing for all of us to eat, so why fight it? Enjoy the menu, it’s cooked to please . . . We really must let the chefs do the preparation, cull the meat and stir the pot. Our role is to feast on their creations and to pick up the check. As any good consumer knows, leaving a good tip means you will get great service, in the future.

So why not simplify the process and go directly to the kitchen for the chow? Since the court is there for life, we know the kind of diet that they serve. Healthy meals are not as important as the appearance of the dish. If it looks pure it’s got to taste fine. So let’s all just enjoy. Who doesn’t love those Mickey D’s fries? At least you can sleep secure, the court won’t take away - “what doesn't kill me makes me stronger” food. Old Fred went to the same Nietzsche law school as alumna Bader Ginsburg.

Hey; this is a new century, get with the agenda, the docket decides - what and who - can speak to the audience. This kind of reform is long overdue. Relics of the past don’t represent the MTV crowd. Can’t you see a future campaign with a ticket of Chelsea Clinton and Jenna Bush, with twin Barbara kissing both on stage? Now that is memorable Free Speech that passes the approval test for even our trustworthy Ruth . . .

By what right does a legislature have making laws? The court rules and that’s the end of the story. Republics don’t work anyway! Just look at Rome, they loved their emperors and told their senate to shut up. Look how far we have progressed. Now the court is supreme and Caesar can only play with his tin soldiers. Heck, that tribunal even honored that electoral college stuff, so it must be legal. Holding sessions to determine the law is what the forum is all about. The mob has limits, so just keep the bread and circus flowing, and leave the heavy lifting for those wearing toga robes.

Don’t you agree that political speech has boundaries? The next thing will be that candidates will start attacking opponents about having orgies. We all know that private matters protects boys having boys . . .  Politicians are patricians and judges are the patriarchs. Why bother voting at all? What’s the point of having an election? Look at the money we will save and all the football games that can be held at the coliseums.

Having Hammurabi laws on the walls of the courthouse has to be better than those granite tablets, so let Jupiter be the champion for the paladin judges. They, in turn, will protect us. Those old codes can be ignored, officially; and replaced with a living, relevant and arbitrary body of progressive freedoms. You won’t miss Free Speech, since it won’t be needed anymore. Get rid if it and there will be no want for campaigns, except those for subduing barbarians. The final judiciary will be the supreme judge, and we will have eternal order. No more nominations and no more confirmation hearings. Just keep it all in the family. Trustees for law school will be from the same tribe, so there will be no danger of letting in savages that long for Romulus and Remus.

Isn’t this the kind of reform we want? Surely, it’s what you are going to get . . . The plays of Titus Maccius Plautus appealed to the tastes and the temperament of the masses at a time when they cared only for enjoyment and were indifferent to political questions. They are fine entertainment that compliments the cuisine for those who consume the raw meat from making that sausage. But for those who march to a different drummer, the idea of keeping quiet is less appealing. We will grow our own food and starve those who swallow the imperial line. There is nothing supreme about a court that makes up laws as it goes along. Campaign reform is properly defined as rejecting both political parties. We don’t need any magistrate to decide that one. All we need are just loyal citizens of the Old Republic. By chance do you know of any? We would like to invite them into our legion.

SARTRE -  September 12, 2003

A judge is not supposed to know anything about the facts of life until they have been presented in evidence and explained to him at least three times.
Lord Chief Justice Parker

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