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The Long Yawn

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"What we need now is not just a regime change in Saddam Hussein and Iraq,
but we need a regime change in the United States"
John Kerry (Boston Globe, April 3, 2003).

The Long Yawn

This wack is unstable
The kids were put in their place

The majority has succumbed to the "Big Sleep", now the rest of the public is delivered into the ‘long yawn’. If you were thrilled by the Iowa caucus, you are deprived of needed rest. The victory performance by Howard Dean for coming in a show position is a script worthy of Saturday Night Live. Whatever drugs he is on, Judy Steinberg Dean should prescribe a lower dose. Such a power couple is what nightmares are made of.

Dick ‘Howdy Doody’ Gephardt showed he was a Clarabell and John Edwards demonstrated he would be a fine snake oil salesman. Soon New Hampshire will trash Wes Clark and send Joe Lieberman packing for home. Now the focus can spotlight the real player - John Kerry. The fortunate husband of Mrs Heinz lived up to his middle name - Forbes. Teresa Heinz Kerry proves that love can be shared between both parties, especially if it is with U.S. Senators and Yale bulldogs. Keeping "Bonesmen" in the family must have an appeal for true love, even if other one was a father-in-law . . .

Now Terry is just the kind of first lady the country needs. She could balance the budget out of petty cash. No one can say she is shy, and compared to the last witch who couldn’t control her man, this woman knows first hand what relish is best to keep a president happy. No need to fear that this wife will lose to an intern. If for no other reason, this condiment you serve up, just might send that carpetbagger back to the wilderness. Another election decided by the favorite flavors, no matter who you vote for!

That’s the best that can be said for the Kerry team. So the moment yearns for some other attractive hero, but yawns for the lack of finding one. If the Southern States could come into play, Edwards is your man. However, the prime rule for disqualification from the presidency is that no lawyers need apply. John Boy is even married to a barrister. Gee, remember what happened with the last couple who were both members of the bar. At least with Teresa we would get a dame that knows better then to trust her husband with her money. No need to worry about lost billing records, the cash is already in the bank.

Are you getting excited yet? A Bush-Kerry race is like rooting for an NCAA championship for a Connecticut Yankee when the favorite son, Lieberman, is calling the game for a foreign press. The draw of Dubyea conceals the roots of Prescott working for the interests of Brown Brothers, Harriman. Blue blood runs in the veins of this contest. Or is this a race worth watching? You already know who will win!

Lest you forget Kerry was a prosecuting attorney, so don’t be too surprised when another partnership is formed - Kerry, Edwards PLC. Pro bono service to the nation is just what we need. The handy union of a Boston Brahmin and a "Small Town" Piedmont Walter Mitty singing a Horatio Alger tune, while acting like the millionaire banker, Wellington McMillan. Let’s just be thankful we won’t need to hear about the hoeing and sowing of all that tobacco. Gore sucked up to the wrong horse, and has been put down for good.

God save the nation from a second Bush term! Are you ecstatic yet? Gape and stare into the mirror. What a formula to correct the ills of society - more government . . . but this time just make it fairer and extend it to include more people. As the GOP rushes to spend the budget for the next century in the next four years, the Kerry/Edwards team will route the checks to different addresses. Or will they, just add to the existing list and send them by special delivery?

One more win win situation. They prevail, you loose. Nothing new, just another chapter in the same fictional tale of an old story. John Kerry resurrected Bob Shrum from disgrace. "The Boston Globe reports that Jason Kinney, a former speechwriter for ousted Democratic governor Gray Davis, sent a letter to Kerry urging him to fire Shrum for his "betrayal" of the Democratic Party. A political opponent of Kerry's provided the letter to the Globe. Kerry, asked two weeks ago about Shrum's California role, said Shrum was not expected to clear his clients by the Kerry campaign and declined further comment. Yesterday, Kerry spokesman Michael Meehan said he had nothing to add to Kerry's earlier remarks. Shrum, an ally of the Kennedy family, of which Schwarzenegger is a member by marriage, could not be reached for comment."

The Kerry message will finally be heard as the media recasts their itinerary. Their coverage will jump to the Shrum spin. No hard feelings when, "Mr Kerry won a significant battle before the primary race even began by luring the Democrats' most celebrated speechwriter and political manager, Robert Shrum, from the Edwards camp. The contest for Mr Shrum's services was seen as so vital among Democrats it became known as the "Shrum primary"." Who else would be better suited to merge the Edwards down home factor with the pretend successor to the Camelot myth? Watch Shrum for clues during this silly season.

During his opprobrious celebration, Howard Dean’s face turned red, even more so than normal for Gephardt. However, this time that red was really Heinz ketchup. The party is over for the crazies, the establishment is back in full control. Never bet against the casino, when the odds are set by the house. The Bush/Kerry ticket wins no matter how you vote. Who knows better than Teresa Heinz? She’ll keep the "John Boys" in line and focus on the program and off the wrong planes . . . Their role is to stay awake, yours is to doze off, it’s another presidential campaign cycle.

SARTRE - January 22, 2004

'Maybe we ought to go to the reception for Leah Rabin.' Edwards responded, 'Who's she?' 'Yitzhak Rabin's widow,' replied the aide. 'Who was he?' asked Edwards" (Charles Peters, Washington Monthly, June 2003).

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